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The Witch From “Hansel and Gretel” Decides to End Her Controversial Policy of Luring Children to Her Home and Eating Them

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“President Trump caved to enormous political pressure on Wednesday and signed an executive order meant to end the separation of families at the border by detaining parents and children together for an indefinite period.” — New York Times, 6/20/18

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It has been brought to my attention that a majority of the public has voiced disapproval with my policy of luring children to my home in the woods, fattening them up to a respectable size, and then baking them in my oven for dinner. The resounding argument seems to be that this practice “tears families apart.”

Now, I for one feel a bit blindsided by this sudden public outcry. Eating children is a policy that has been practiced by many witches for MANY years without a single complaint (aside from some of the more fussy children). It wasn’t until I started doing it that everyone suddenly had a problem! You tell me if that sounds fair. But in any case, I have decided it is time to put an end to this inhumane and cruel policy of separating children from their families once and for all! Therefore, I will no longer be trapping and consuming lone children — but will expand my practice to include entire families.

Do not be fooled, I am by no means kowtowing to the insufferable “snowflakes” who love to find offense in anything they don’t understand — even family recipes that have been passed down through generations! I came to this decision completely on my own. After hours of listening to protestors chanting “stop eating our kids!” outside my home, and many discussions with close friends and family who encouraged me to change my ways, I was suddenly struck by the revolutionary idea to stop consuming children that I have kidnapped unless I am able to ensure I’ll be eating their families as well.

Personally, I think it is very brave to admit that one’s way of thinking has evolved with the times. For example, up until now, I found great satisfaction in trapping innocent children, force-feeding them until they were round and juicy, and then browning them nicely at 450 degrees. But after a little self-reflection (and under extreme pressure from everyone around me) I came to the conclusion that child-roasting is a bit old-fashioned for 2018. Maintaining the sanctity of the nuclear family is now my main priority! I will make sure that each child I lure into my trap will be accompanied by their immediate family members throughout the entire process.

But before you laud my bravery and integrity, please know that I didn’t do this for the inevitable fame and glory. I did this for the poor children who deserve to be united with their families even as I baste them in my Signature Sauce (patent pending) and then pop them in the oven till they’re a golden brown (about 50 minutes, flip halfway through).

Some may call me a hero… and they wouldn’t be wrong! My actions will undoubtedly protect families that, up until now, would have been permanently separated by my culinary endeavors. I’m not saying the road going forward will be easy. I’ll somehow need to make space in my fridge for all the leftovers I’m now going to have — but that is a sacrifice I’m willing to make in order to keep families together!

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awilchak
2 days ago
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haha holy shit this is beautiful
Brooklyn, New York
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poppin crys (flavor crystals that is)

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sales would go through the roof if we could get the youth on board. maybe one of those “memes”

imagine tubers huffin a mound of that brown, that’s the new folgers challenge my good bitch

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awilchak
3 days ago
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yah i fux wit da folg
Brooklyn, New York
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1 public comment
fxer
3 days ago
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huff a mound o' brown
Bend, Oregon

Bandcamp Email Bug – May 2018

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We recently discovered and fixed a bug that inadvertently included certain users’ email addresses in the HTML of some Bandcamp pages. When present, the email address was not visible on the page, but did appear in the HTML. 

No other personal information was included and there was no breach of our security systems, so you do not need to take any action to secure your Bandcamp account.

Although we cannot determine which specific accounts may have been impacted, if you created a Bandcamp account before March 20, 2018 and visited a Bandcamp site between March 20, 2018 and May 7, 2018 while logged-in, there’s a good chance your email was affected by the bug.

This should not have happened, and we sincerely apologize. The security of our users’ information is a top priority for us, and we are reviewing our development and security practices to ensure that something like this doesn’t happen again.

About the Bug

For the software developers out there (both professional and armchair), here is a detailed technical description of the bug:

In March, we rolled out an updated version of our “fan onboarding” flow — the introductory screens a new user sees immediately after signing up. As part of this work, we introduced a new “onboarding” object into our web controller code, which is the server code we use to generate pages on bandcamp.com. The onboarding object is a short-lived bucket of values associated with the user viewing the page, used by our page rendering logic to determine which onboarding steps the user has already completed.

A subsequent change added the user’s email address to this object. This alone is not dangerous or unusual, and allowed us to render an additional UI element. However, instead of adding the email value where the onboarding object is created, we added it elsewhere in the controller code, overriding the original value. This seemed safe in context, but combined with other decisions, it became dangerous:

  1. The onboarding object, at first glance always unique per request, was instead sometimes a reference to a shared object containing default values.
  2. This shared object was intended to be read-only, but its values could be modified. This meant that when overriding the email value, we might inadvertently modify the shared object.

The result was a race condition: when processing a page requested by a logged-in user, we would sometimes store that user’s email value in the shared object, where it might be picked up for page rendering in independent, parallel requests (our request handling environment uses multiple threads). Whether or not a user’s email showed up in someone else’s page depended on the precise timing of parallel requests on a given rendering app, and the types of users making those requests. To make matters worse, we optimistically wrote the onboarding data into the page even when it wasn’t needed for the current user. This increased the number of pages  potentially affected.

Once we understood the problem, the immediate fix was simple — we modified the code to duplicate the shared object for every request. This eliminated the cross-request issue.

What We’ve Learned

There are several useful engineering lessons here. First, arbitrarily overriding values in a complex object can be dangerous, especially if it’s done far from the code where the object is created. Instead, if we had modified the object initialization to support an email value, it would have been immediately obvious that the email shouldn’t apply in some cases.

Second, read-only objects shared across multiple threads should be frozen or have appropriate access permissions set at the language level, even if it appears they are never modified in code. If the shared object in question here had been frozen, we would have caught the problem during development.

Third, we should be more careful not to render data and HTML we don’t need for the current page. This is just good practice in any case, as unused elements increase the page size and slow network transfers and page rendering.

Finally, and most important, we need to do a better job of reviewing code changes which involve the output of personal information.

Protecting the personal information of Bandcamp’s users is a top priority of our software engineering team. Our failure to do so in this case is a reminder of our blind spots as engineers, and our responsibility to continuously improve our development practices. We hope that our sharing the details of this bug and our response is useful to the software development community and our users.

Shawn Grunberger, Co-founder & CTO



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awilchak
30 days ago
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great example of great technical leadership
Brooklyn, New York
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A brief look at the Earth from above

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This is a short video by Páraic McGloughlin composed of thousands of Google Earth images. A brief look at the earth from above, based on the shapes we make, the game of life, our playing ground - Arena. [Photosensitivity warning: flashing imagery.]
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awilchak
44 days ago
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haha holy shit
Brooklyn, New York
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jad
49 days ago
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Warning: may make you wish you're stoned.

Valve has acquired Firewatch studio Campo Santo

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Video game distributor Valve has acquired Firewatch developer Campo Santo, according to Kotaku. Campo Santo confirmed the news in a blog post last night.

Campo Santo says that they love making video games and that they “found a group of folks who, to their core, feel the same way about the work that they do” in Valve. The 12-person studio will relocate to Valve’s headquarters in Seattle.

The studio also says that it will continue production of its next game, In The Valley of Gods, and confirmed to Polygon that the game won’t become a PC exclusive under Valve. The studio will also continue to support Firewatch and release its literary journal, The Quarterly Review.

Founded in 1996, Valve created games such as Counter-Strike, Half-Life, P...

Continue reading…

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awilchak
61 days ago
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wowowowowow
Brooklyn, New York
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Jelly Mario

3 Comments and 4 Shares

world 1-2 is unnerving

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awilchak
73 days ago
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wow that is good
Brooklyn, New York
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1 public comment
jlvanderzwan
71 days ago
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Like I mentioned on twitter: the left edge of the screen is solid, so you can use this to deform yourself by crashing into it at high speeds.

https://twitter.com/JobvdZwan/status/983122107960909824
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